These photos have been a long time coming, at least partially because I’ve been having a really hard time letting go of them. I wanted badly for them to be something else, but eventually I have to realize that they’re not, and that’s OK, and move on.
I can make excuses, like the light was difficult, and I was using a camera that, it turns out, was eating about 10% of the files it was supposed to be recording due to a faulty memory card, but really this is more about my feelings around the pictures. I didn’t discover the missing images until very recently, when some from a different party dissapeared and I ran PhotoRec on the card. And the light: that’s why these are in black and white, the color just didn’t make any sense.
It’s weird lately, like I just haven’t felt like shooting that much? Could just be the winter getting to me, but could be the hangover of a year where a lot happened. The last project took years to get anywhere and then years to materialize into a single copy of a book (which isn’t technically done), so maybe I should just cut myself some slack between projects? I don’t know.
I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I’m gonna blog what I’ve got.
Posted by matt on 2026-01-19T09:53:07Z GMT
I know I said I was declaring bankruptcy on all my 2024 photos, but I saw this little photoset and it jived with something I was thinking the other day, namely, why don’t I do black and white any more? It used to be a big part of my practice, but then someone told me digital black and white wasn’t real, and I kind of was buying everything they told me wholesale (a lot of it was very good and helpful) so I basically just haven’t done if for the last sixish years. I’ve done some film black and white and enjoyed it, but no digital.
All that to say, I think there is a time and place for it. Like, I understand what they were saying, that it goes against the essential quality of the thing, but also one of the essential qualities, for me, is the flexibility a raw file has once I get it into lightroom. In some ways digital black and white is better than film or a monochrome sensor, because I can use color filters after the fact to realize tonal control (oldheads will know this as the Zone System).
These specific photos were Dia de los Muertos 2024, the parade part in the mission. I showed up a little late and didn’t stay super long, it was cold and I wasn’t feeling super sure of myself. The light wasn’t super great, a mix of sodium arc and tungsten that doesn’t expose well and colors just look bad. This is part of why they sat there for such a long time. But tonight, I decided to try them in black and white, almost in passing, and the quick conversion was enough to get me to do a little more work on them, get them to a bloggable state.
Posted by matt on 2026-01-03T11:42:04Z GMT
New year, same me. On of my resolutions or intentions this year is to get off my ass and do more photography. As if last year’s fallow periods were my fault. Doesn’t matter, I still feel better when I’m making pictures. And part of that is getting rid of the backlog. So I’ve declared bankruptcy for anything that happened before new years day 2025 and moved on to things that happened last year. This was the first event I went to that I haven’t already blogged (I think I put up the NYE pics a while back).
A lot of people do year in review type things during this dead week between Christmas and new years, and, in short, 2025 was hard. I went from stage 4 to stage 5 renal failure, went on dialysis, had two surgeries, one for my Gall bladder and one to put in the dialysis port. I had to take a bunch of time off work for each of those, missed an important trip, and also had no energy from ~may until they got my iron deficiency taken care of in August. And then I broke both arms in September.
All that to say: it could be much worse. My work has unlimited PTO and both of my managers were very understanding of the various issues. I have really good health insurance, which covers 100% of my dialysis and transplant care. I have a lot of support, from Sophie and from all my friends. Finally: it’s still not scheduled, but I have a transplant in the works, so fingers crossed I may be able to close the books on all of this in a few months.
I think that’s it? Oh yeah, these specific pictures. Kawan’s birthday party, last year. A little over 10 months ago. House just packed with cool people, I didn’t get good coverage at all (note the only one sort of OK pic of the birthday boy). Still, these are nice, and I think reflect the feelings of the day.
Posted by matt on 2026-01-02T10:07:37Z GMT
